Changes.

Since I graduated high school, there have been many changes in my life, some expected and some not so much. I have lost a few people close to me, both physically and metaphorically. And although losing loved ones physically is hard, I think it's harder when you lose someone metaphorically (in most cases), because you can't help the physical losses (in most cases). But with the metaphorical losses, I feel as if I could have done something to avoid it, or it was because I am easy to leave. Either way, I feel as if it's my fault.

Not only did I lose people, but I also lost a part of myself. I did grow a lot in the past three years, but I lost a part of my identity that makes it so hard to know where to begin to find myself again. I am no longer a Raider nor a competitive swimmer. That was basically my entire life. It's such a journey, figuring out who you are. Some people never do. But ever since as far back as I can remember, I was always analyzing myself, trying to figure out what was me and what wasn't. It's so hard to just leave the parts that you defined/associated yourself with.

Don't get me wrong though, I've definitely gained a lot, like courage, independence, and strength. I've also become closer to one of my best friends than we were in high school, which was still pretty close. And I am so grateful for her. I know my other best friends will always be there for me, but it's really nice to have someone to go to for everything, someone to talk to every single day. It's so amazing that we do talk so much. I mean it was so easy before college since we went to the same school and we swam together like everyday, but we are thousands of miles apart and still manage to talk to each other like we were right next to each other 24/7 (for the most part). And yes, it is so easy nowadays with technology, but so many people are so busy and have a lot going on that they can't find the time.

So I guess all in all, I need to focus on what I have gained because that is what's going to keep me moving forward. The losses will just pull me backwards, and that's just a snowball effect waiting to happen. Life is full of downs, but there are also many ups. :)